What are my default rules for a scene? Default because of course, changes can and should be negotiated whenever and wherever they make sense.
Well, one of the first things I need to know is; for this scene am I a top, or am I a Domme? Is this just sensation/pain/mindfuck play? Or is this D/s play?
There’s more to consider in a D/s scene because of the power exchange. As a long-time sub I totally understand the strong desire to do good and to give as much as you can. So I know that might color things. And I also experience deep sub-space and dissociation, (which can happen without D/s) and so I know, for instance, that while you are mumbling “I’m a good boy/girl” with your eyes rolling around in your head isn’t the time to renegotiate boundaries. 😊
So I am going to write this from the perspective of a D/s scene, but everything here won’t be necessary if there is no power exchange at play and you just want to know what it feels like to get flogged (spoiler: good. Floggers feel good. Usually… and when they feel bad- they also feel good…)
First, you should know that I am a professional and tribute should be taken care of before we begin.
So, we are going to do a D/s scene!
Great! We will have already talked about what we are going to co-create together. I probably even gave you a run-down of what’s going to happen. Like this:
“My general plan involved some rope bondage, including cock/ball at some point, sensation and verbal play to feel you out and get us in the space, then depending on where you were at maybe some CBT followed by/in parallel with receiving your worship of my body, with particular attention to my naughty bits.”
Or this
“So- I strap some ankle cuffs on you and clip them to my spreader bar. Then I will do a basic Japanese tie on your wrists and have you keep them above your head. Then I tie your balls up and tease you. Then I will start calling you names and experimenting on you with my crop, and work my way through a flogger, some paddles and finally a progressively evil set of canes, and if there is room for Me to throw it, my whip.”
And we will have talked about your limits and you will know what you are signing up for. So how does the rest work?
Unless we have played before (say, at an event) I want to spend a few minutes sitting with you and having some polite conversation.
During that chat I want to understand your aftercare needs, how your body is feeling that day, and if anything has changed since our last email correspondence.
Then, if you desire, I will put a play collar on you at the beginning of the session. We can use one of yours, or I have one or two in my bag. While you are wearing the collar, we have a temporary D/s dynamic in which you are submissive to Me and you will refer to Me as: Mistress, Goddess, Ma’am, Mommy or M’lady while the collar is on, or until either of us says “Red”.
At any point either of us saying “red” will stop everything. At that point you can speak completely freely and all play (including the temporary D/s dynamic we are in) has ceased. We can address anything that has come up. If we work everything out, play can then resume, or if we need to stop for whatever reason, that’s totally fine.
It is understood that this is a temporary D/s dynamic, and I am only Mistress, etc. for the duration of the scene. And anything possessive I may say (e.g. “you are mine”) is only in the context of, and for the duration of, the scene. There is no CNC, I will not leave the boundaries of the scene we negotiated (see my scene descriptions above). If we get to point where it feels to Me like you want to go further than we negotiated, or you say so directly, I will gently safeword out of scene by saying “Red” so that we can renegotiate new boundaries outside of the temporary dynamic, so that you have as much agency as possible during the renegotiation. If it seems to Me like you are good and ready to go further of your own free will, that can happen and we can resume. And if for whatever reason, I feel like either of us isn’t ready for that, we may need to stick with the original plan.
Generally while in scene you will be respectful and submissive but humor is allowed. And as Goddess Katherine says “but if the joke is at my expense, it better be fucking funny” 😁
At any point you are expected to communicate to Me if you are uncomfortable or need anything. Of course, there is on-purpose discomfort, like I stick my left big toe into your ribs while you’re kissing my right foot, for instance, which is what I call sexy discomfort and then there’s accidental discomfort like “oh fuck my hair is caught in the carabiner“ which isn’t usually sexy… but you never know… [NOTE: It is important for me to know if you are cold, or lying on your wrist funny or whatever and that you don’t just “put up with it” because you are the sub/bottom. I will be trying to gauge your pain tolerance and having you silently suffering from something I am not doing to you on purpose will totally detract from the scene.]
Besides “Red” which is for both of us, you have two other magic words:
If you say “yellow” I will know you are at the edge of your tolerance but do not wish Me to stop. You are giving as hard as you can give, and would like Me to honor that by continuing to take and keeping you in that place without going too far and breaking the spell.
If you say “mercy” I will know that you would like Me to stop what I am doing at that moment but not stop the scene completely. You maybe just can’t process Me hitting you that fast with the cane, or you realized the error of saying “is that all you got?” While I was twisting your sensitive bits. Or maybe you cannot handle Me caning you right fucking there one more time (in which case “same spot, ma’am!” Is also acceptable, and a thing I have been known to say.)
We will have discussed aftercare prior to the scene, and that will happen accordingly.
At the end of the scene I will remove the play collar and we will go back to our normal roles as private citizens 😁 With one remaining responsibility…
Approximately 24 hours after we play, you are to report in to Me letting me know how you are doing, if you are experiencing any sub drop, or if anything else has come up for you that you need or want to discuss. I will be concerned about you if you do not.
I would also tremendously appreciate it if you would write me a little note with your thoughts about the scene. What worked? What didn’t? How did it make you feel? Etc.
And finally, hopefully we both had a great time and will be doing it again!
